Heathcliff, For Why? (10)
October 25, 2016
A series of posts, by HiLobrow friend Brandi Brown, puzzling over the Andy Kaufman-like anti-comedy antics of Heathcliff, a cat who has nonplussed newspaper funny pages readers since 1973. These posts were selected from among many others that first appeared at Brandi’s website Heathcliff, For Why?.
I don’t know what kind of protection money the butcher is paying Heathcliff but clearly, it’s not enough.
The cool part about this is that the people of Westfinster have just given up. You own a building with locking doors, you make your livelihood selling meat, there’s a dog catcher. I’m just saying, you could probably stop a tabby cat from destroying your business on the regular if you really tried.
Meanwhile, over at the deli, my friends and I spent an entire day on Facebook trying to figure out what the hell was going on.
J: That cat is unshooable.
P: That dude is always going HAM.
J: Bet that asshole cat shows up at Hallmark stores wearing one that says “CARDS.”
Me: Why do they always let him into their stores? It’s not like there’s a law that says kicking a stealing cat out of a food store is discrimination.
J: Hell, they can even manhandle (cathandle??) him without fear of a lawsuit. He’s a cat. Try filing suit without thumbs, tuna breath!
Me: No one ever puts their foot down. He drives a monster truck. Stop him!
J: Wait, now I’m looking this over again — is he actually wearing a pompadour wig with “HAM” on it?? IS IT A WIG?!? GOD DAMN IT I’M LOSING MY SHIT OVER HERE!!!
B: Someone call the Health Department.
Me: Heath department?
Me: OMG, I don’t know if it’s a wig or a helmet. I hate you, J!
J: (from the mindfuck of this cartoon, not from you hating me)
W: What’s not to get? Ham Hat!
Me: So many questions about this simple cartoon. Or, if you say “ham”, is Heathcliff going to show off. Because he’s a ham. SO MANY QUESTIONS?!
Me: Wait, is he on Team Ham and he has the helmet because if you try to take the ham, he will tackle you?
Me: Yay! We may have solved the mystery! Maybe.
Me: But why is that butcher shop letting a cat intimidate customers?
I still don’t know what’s up with the butcher letting a cat in a helmet intimidate customers. He’s wearing a helmet, that actually gives you an advantage as a human if you want to fight a cat. Stop enabling him, people.
CURATED SERIES at HILOBROW: UNBORED CANON by Josh Glenn | CARPE PHALLUM by Patrick Cates | MS. K by Heather Kasunick | HERE BE MONSTERS by Mister Reusch | DOWNTOWNE by Bradley Peterson | #FX by Michael Lewy | PINNED PANELS by Zack Smith | TANK UP by Tony Leone | OUTBOUND TO MONTEVIDEO by Mimi Lipson | TAKING LIBERTIES by Douglas Wolk | STERANKOISMS by Douglas Wolk | MARVEL vs. MUSEUM by Douglas Wolk | NEVER BEGIN TO SING by Damon Krukowski | WTC WTF by Douglas Wolk | COOLING OFF THE COMMOTION by Chenjerai Kumanyika | THAT’S GREAT MARVEL by Douglas Wolk | LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE by Chris Spurgeon | IMAGINARY FRIENDS by Alexandra Molotkow | UNFLOWN by Jacob Covey | ADEQUATED by Franklin Bruno | QUALITY JOE by Joe Alterio | CHICKEN LIT by Lisa Jane Persky | PINAKOTHEK by Luc Sante | ALL MY STARS by Joanne McNeil | BIGFOOT ISLAND by Michael Lewy | NOT OF THIS EARTH by Michael Lewy | ANIMAL MAGNETISM by Colin Dickey | KEEPERS by Steph Burt | AMERICA OBSCURA by Andrew Hultkrans | HEATHCLIFF, FOR WHY? by Brandi Brown | DAILY DRUMPF by Rick Pinchera | BEDROOM AIRPORT by “Parson Edwards” | INTO THE VOID by Charlie Jane Anders | WE REABSORB & ENLIVEN by Matthew Battles | BRAINIAC by Joshua Glenn | COMICALLY VINTAGE by Comically Vintage | BLDGBLOG by Geoff Manaugh | WINDS OF MAGIC by James Parker | MUSEUM OF FEMORIBILIA by Lynn Peril | ROBOTS + MONSTERS by Joe Alterio | MONSTOBER by Rick Pinchera | POP WITH A SHOTGUN by Devin McKinney | FEEDBACK by Joshua Glenn | 4CP FTW by John Hilgart | ANNOTATED GIF by Kerry Callen | FANCHILD by Adam McGovern | BOOKFUTURISM by James Bridle | NOMADBROW by Erik Davis | SCREEN TIME by Jacob Mikanowski | FALSE MACHINE by Patrick Stuart | 12 DAYS OF SIGNIFICANCE | 12 MORE DAYS OF SIGNIFICANCE | 12 DAYS OF SIGNIFICANCE (AGAIN) | ANOTHER 12 DAYS OF SIGNIFICANCE | UNBORED MANIFESTO by Joshua Glenn and Elizabeth Foy Larsen | H IS FOR HOBO by Joshua Glenn | 4CP FRIDAY by guest curators