Magister Ludi (5): Holier Hoes

By: Patrick Cates
April 26, 2010

As your Elitism Guard, I am responsible for administering Digital Serum, sending Turgid Emails and presiding over Mad Liturgies. In this challenge, however, I am going to lead you through a Digerati Slum. I have taken 40 HiLo Heroes and deviously translated them into Holier Hoes. Your job is to convert them back again and save them from whimsical obscurity.


The rubric:

  1. Of the 40 Holier Hoes, 35 of them are HiLo Heroes featured on 5 of them are Heroically Hilobrovian candidates who never quite made it on to the site.
  2. The Lusor Ludi who correctly converts the most Holier Hoes will be crowned Victor Ludi.
  3. The Victor Ludi will win a copy of The Idler’s Glossary (signed and personally dedicated by co-author and editor, Joshua Glenn).
  4. In the event that there is a tie for first place, a tie-breaking question will be set and posted soon after the competition closes. The winner of this tie-breaker will be crowned Victor Ludi.
  5. Lusores Ludi should email their answers to me by 9PM EST on Sunday 2 May.

The Holier Hoes:

  1. Craved Bone Grind
  2. Born Quieter
  3. Tracheal Burns
  4. Show Erratic Mind
  5. Had Nails Only
  6. Solarium Bug Whirl
  7. Hustling Camcorders
  8. Vacant Loser
  9. Article Network
  10. Charitable Sin
  11. Rousing Mortals
  12. Hails True Souls
  13. Spots Genre Ruts
  14. Dark Theory Pro
  15. Hurries Rugged Cobra
  16. Enhance Dolor
  17. Fake Cranial Hum
  18. Salami Jab Technique
  19. Calamity Shock Reel
  20. Shit Reference
  21. Priests Nearby
  22. Prim Anal Nooks
  23. Onstage Cove
  24. Creates Wily Lore
  25. Animal Whistler
  26. Gentler Cooing
  27. Matinee Horror
  28. Herald Thy Hero
  29. Literal Belaboring
  30. Sound Filterer
  31. Reliable Asylum Twit
  32. Inmate Lover
  33. Starring Moron
  34. Path Luminary
  35. Bolder Bugger
  36. Emblematic Honor Twit
  37. Dire Lonely Creative
  38. Regrets Anagram
  39. Heist Schemer
  40. Garage Slob Elite
Craved Bone Grind
Born Quieter
Tracheal Burns
Show Erratic Mind
Had Nails Only
Solarium Bug Whirl
Hustling Camcorders
Vacant Loser
Article Network
Charitable Sin
Rousing Mortals
Hails True Souls
Spots Genre Ruts
Dark Theory Pro
Hurries Rugged Cobra
Enhance Dolor
Fake Cranial Hum
Salami Jab Technique
Calamity Shock Reel
Shit Reference
Priests Nearby
Prim Anal Nooks
Onstage Cove
Creates Wily Lore
Animal Whistler
Gentler Cooing
Matinee Horror
Herald Thy Hero
Literal Belaboring
Sound Filterer
Reliable Asylum Twit
Inmate Lover
Starring Moron
Path Luminary
Bolder Bugger
Emblematic Honor Twit
Dire Lonely Creative
Regrets Anagram
Heist Schemer
Garage Slob Elite