DEFER YOUR ENTHUSIASM (24)

By: Crystal Durant
June 27, 2025

One in a series of enthusiastic posts, contributed by 25 HILOBROW friends and regulars, analyzing and celebrating our favorite… late-breaking obsessions, avoided discoveries, and devotions delayed! Series edited by Adam McGovern.

“SEX AND THE CITY? ARE YOU KIDDING?”

That’s the first thing I said to my best friend Claire when she asked me if I watched it. I mean seriously, I’m a Black woman for starters, what the fuck did I have in common with four White women who definitely made more money than I did? A lawyer, an art dealer, a PR pro, and a newspaper columnist? They had great, roach-free apartments in great neighborhoods, wore designer clothing and sky-high heels, they had great jobs that paid well, etc. I’m a New Yorker, and yes, I was dating, I drank cocktails with my girlfriends while we talked about how bad dating was for us, I’m fashionable and loved Pat Field’s (minus expensive high heels), I danced at the hottest straight and Gay clubs (I also DJ’d at a few), I had a “Gay Husband”, blah, blah, blah… but I was CERTAIN that I had NOTHING that was REALLY in common with them, minus being a female New Yorker who dated White guys. It was December of 2000.

“I can see and understand the reasons why you don’t think you’d relate to it, BUT I AM TELLING YOU,” she was telling me, “you WILL relate to it, and you WILL LOVE IT!” More on that later.

Why did I automatically pooh-pooh SATC? Because I had already been watching Girlfriends on UPN and I dug it… and what made me want to watch Girlfriends? Because UPN (then the CW, remember that?) had a lot of shows that were created by, written by, and starred Black folks! It was something I NEVER thought would happen and it was pretty damned amazing, so I wanted to support it. After looking at a bunch of shows in their lineup, I wound up only watching Girlfriends because it was the one that I most related to, and the writing was a lot better than most of the shows on that network — COUGH COUGH, I’m lookin’ at YOUUUU Homeboys in Outer Space, COUGH WHEEZE.

Even though they were four Black women best friends (which I didn’t have) who lived in Los Angeles (I lived there for 5 years in the ’80s), they didn’t have any White friends (the majority of mine were), some were married with kids (I didn’t have many of those at the time), they didn’t have a lot of LGBTQIA friends (only ONE “Gay Husband”), and there was a guy best friend in the mix (that’s just crazy). All of that was the polar opposite of my life, so I wanted to see how that all worked. The women were all archetypes (bougie, kooky, ghetto, the mom) which was to be expected. Everybody had their something. The relationships were deep and some got really heavy, which was interesting to see Black women do on television. There was yelling, there were tears, makeups, breakups, all the women things. I was digging it.

Then one day, out of the blue while watching the show, after two years invested, I finally had to admit to myself that Girlfriends wasn’t really THAT relatable to my life and world. I mean, being in Los Angeles was the first strike, ya know?

Back to Claire. She told me that she was going through some personal stuff and needed an ear and a shoulder. She also told me that she was gonna force me to watch SATC. Of course I went over there because she’s one of my best friends! I’d figure out a way to not watch the show. She threw down a gauntlet. Now it’d become a challenge.

I arrived at Claire’s to a big pitcher of Cosmopolitans (the official SATC drink), pizza, cupcakes, and the first two seasons that were taped(?) and ready to go from the jump. I immediately took a shower, changed into my big t-shirt and leggings, and filled a pint glass with the booze. “Claire, do you wanna tell me about what’s going on with you first, or literally start the show first?” “START THE SHOW FIRST, I’m two drinks in, you need to catch up!” So I picked up a slice and started drinking while she turned on the VCR, or DVR, or DVD, or whatever the hell it was that we used to save shows on.

The Cosmos helped. The look was kinda video camera quality, dark/shadowy and clunky. Wait a minute, Carrie breaks the 4th wall and talks directly to me? Wow, Miranda sure is a sourpuss man-hater… are they sure she isn’t a stereotypical Lesbian? I kept watching. It got interesting. Then I was into it. I was also drunk.

Once we got through the first season we took a break. Claire asked, “Well what do you think so far?” I thought for a second and said, “Okay, I was wrong, I get it now, why DID I wait so long? I DO relate to those archetypes but only in one way…obviously it’s the men. I have my own crazy dating stories, I talk about dating with you and my other girlfriends, NYC is the other cast member, and hells bells, the show was created and written by a Gay guy, so DUH, I can relate. ALSO, Joan is Carrie!” She didn’t know what I was talking about because she had not seen Girlfriends yet. “What do you mean?” I was chewing on a slice and then said, “They are both terrible friends. I have a history with Joan (played to perfection by Tracee Ellis Ross), so I’ll tell you that she comes off as the mediator of the gals. She’s the sun with everyone orbiting around her. She seems to be the most level-headed, but she’s really mostly a jackass… I already see that in Carrie.” “WHAAAT?!? No, Carrie is the BESSSST!” Claire was really tipsy. I said, “Wait until we’re sober, and a few seasons from now, you’ll see… where’s the pitcher?”

A few seasons later, Claire told me I was right, Carrie was a terrible friend. I watched the show until it ended. I watched the movies in a theater! Annnnnnd, years later, my best friend Sandra talked me into watching the reboot, with me kicking and screaming all the way to her couch. JEEZ it was so fucking annoying… but I couldn’t help but “hate watch” it. Carrie was still an asshole. I just heard that another season is coming up and I can’t wait. I learned my lesson the first time around!

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MORE ENTHUSIASM at HILOBROW

DEFER YOUR ENTHUSIASM (24)

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