Caption Contest
By:
December 17, 2010
HILOBROW is pleased to announce a new contest. This time around, we have a sponsor! It’s:
THE SET-UP: First prize is a signed copy of Emma Donoghue’s Room, a novel about a boy who’s lived his entire life in a single room with only his mother — and Old Nick, a creepy nighttime visitor — for company. That’s why we’ve sampled a panel from the newspaper strip Little Nemo in Slumberland, by Winsor McCay, in which Nemo, waking up from a nightmare (in the room that he never seems to exit, except in his dreams), calls for his mother. “Mama! Oh Mama! Take it away. Oh please let me go. Oh! Ma-ma!” says Nemo. What is Nemo’s mother saying to him?
THE CHALLENGE: Write a pithy one- or two-line response — brief enough to fit into the empty speech bubble — for Nemo’s mother. Your line(s) should make the judges laugh, cry, shiver, or otherwise sit up and take notice. NB: The original comic is here. But looking at it won’t help, because we’re asking for an original piece of writing that needn’t be Winsor McCay-esque.
THE JUDGES: HiLobrow editors Matthew Battles and Joshua Glenn, and HILOBROW’s Magister Ludi, Patrick Cates.
THE PRIZES: First prize is a signed copy of Emma Donoghue’s 2010 novel Room, provided by AbeBooks. Room was shortlisted for the Man Booker Prize and was one of the New York Times Book Review’s “10 Best Books of 2010.” Second prize is a coupon code entitling you to a discount of 50% for a purchase on AbeBooks, to a maximum savings of $30. (The code is valid for use on AbeBooks.com alone. It will expire on January 15, 2011.) Third prize is a COCKY THE FOX or HILOBROW t-shirt (your choice).
DEADLINE, GUIDELINES: Post entries as comments to this thread by 9 pm EST on December 31st. There is no limit to the number of captions you can submit; however, you must enter each caption as a separate comment.
RSS: Follow contest updates by subscribing to hilobrow.com/tag/contest/feed/
SHORTLINK to this post: https://www.hilobrow.com/?p=27895
Oh–but being one of the few who experience the side effects means you’re special, dear!
Tsk, tsk– nobody said gender reassignment would be easy, Eleanor– er, Gregory!
Third time this month! This is the last time Craigslist finds me an exorcist!
I admire your dedication, darling, but you’ll never win the James Brown impersonator contest tomorrow without proper rest!
Criminy, do I have to paste the obituary to your forehead? MICHAEL. IS. DEAD.
What is it with the altar boys at this orphanage?!
You quit the sneaking out at night, and I’ll turn off the invisible fence!
Oh, so it’s my NIGHTGOWN now?! That’s it– no more Project Runway for you, Junior!
“That’s it! I’m cancelling your New Yorker subscription.”
I’m not your mother, dearie. I’m something much, much worse.
Stop being such a baby. It’s an honor to have a dream visitation from our dark lord Cthulu.
No, no! Not until you tell me where you’ve hidden daddy’s special socks.
That’s what he said. But here you are, dear.
I told you that if you kept touching it, it would fall off; and now you’ve made it angry!
“Has it been 4 hours yet? No? Then you don’t need medical attention.”
Oh, honey… I know its hard to believe now, but one day you’ll be so proud of it!
“Young man, there will NOT be any metamorphosis in this household!”
“Now say that line again; this time with anguish, longing and innocence in your voice”
It’s too late: you’re a part of it now.
Now dear, I told you trading extra pudding for being a vessel for Klagor the Stink Demon was a bad deal.
It is yours to bear alone. But I will stand watch.
Ok, Freddie Mercury, time for bed.
Sweetheart, I told you those were daddy’s pills.
This has all happened before, and it will all happen again.
I am not your mother.
Well, I don’t think that was what your brother meant when he told you you would have to beat it off.
Don’t worry dear. TBS will cancel Conan by the Spring.
It’s your own fault for attracting the lice, dear. We don’t kill insects in this family unless they’re COMMUNIST.
There’s nothing to be afraid of, child. This is only a comic strip and you don’t even exist.
Don’t move! I’m told the jaws will release if it thinks you are dead…
Naughty boy! Give Mama’s gerbil back this instant!
Oh, son, take it away. Oh son, oh son.
I can’t, dear, you know we sold you yesterday.
I’ll call Heidi Montag’s surgeon dear, he’ll know what to do!
Yes, dear, the vaccine will do that. If you start melting, please lie on the floor so you don’t mess the sheets.
You’re going to have to learn to handle these things yourself, dear!
Georgie, Georgie, you’re dreaming Jeb’s dream again.
“Sorry, kiddo, these Edwardian doctors aren’t so great getting brain tumors out. But, hey, want some cocaine-laced heroin sauce to tide you over until sweet death makes all our dreams come true?”
“Another nightmare about the Yellow Peril, sweetie?”
You do know that “Nightmare Mama” is nothing compared to “Pissed-Off-That-She’s-Awake-At-Four-In-The-Morning Mama”, right?
“Read me something from the Necronomicon”, he says. “I think Cthulu looks funny”, he says. I’m a terrible parent…
Good grief. This is the last time I adopt a Hitler Youth.
See! See! I told you bad things would happen if you boozed it up after taking those amphetamines!
Whoa. The subjugation implant must be picking up HBO again.
Sorry Nemo, but the rubber blanket stays.
“Oh, dear… again!? Where’ve you hidden the Four Loko, boy!? Wait ’til your father hears of this!”
Shush, dear. You don’t want to be one of those little boys who doesn’t go through boa-therapy do you?
Silly, child. It’s just a little white man’s burden. You’ll get used to it soon enough.
That’s the last time I let you mix your nightly castor oil with absinthe, young man.
Does this have something to do with The Autobiography of PT Barnum I found in your school trunk?
Oh hell, did that horrible child jump on top of you again – hang on little guy, I’ll get help!
That’s what she said.
Oh Sam, I know it hurts. But stay strong for Mama. Tomorrow will be better.
So that’s where daddy’s medicine went. Hush, dear, let me help.
It’s okay dear, THE KING WILL SEE YOU NOW….
That’s just your manhood son, Mama’s already taken it away. You’ll know that when you’re older.
Young man, you’ll fill that diaper to the BRIM before I change it again!
Bismillah! No, we will not let you go!
“Are you bunged up again? No need for all the drama my boy!”
Mama told you: pet lobster needs to stay in its tank!
Sam, you know that all Alpha C-3 psy-op children need to wear the ‘leash’. And you know what will happen to Mama if I let you go.
Bad Monkey! Oh, I can see you’ve already spanked him. Never mind.
Stop yer b*tching. MY extra head didn’t come in until I was 13.
There, there, Nelson. Just give Mommy back her toy and this will be our little secret.
Hush, my baby. the earwick is here to help.
I know, dear. The ending to Lost sucked.
Hush, sweet baby. The Verizon iPhone comes out next year.
See what I mean? Do you STILL want a pet mongoose?
Stop struggling against the Dialectic! Sweet, sweet Synthesis will come soon enough.
It’s only a bedbug, dear. I thought you wanted to be an entomologist!
I’m sorry Winston, but you know what direct sunlight does to the rich and powerful. You must go to sleep now, and quit fooling with the curtain.
Thanks to all who entered this contest, and Happy New Year! We are no longer accepting new entries. We’ll announce the winners in a couple of days…