COCKY: THE OPERA (8)
By:
November 19, 2025
An excerpt from a musical in progress, which takes as its source material the author’s swearing-animal epic The Ballad of Cocky the Fox, serialized here at HILOBROW from 2010–11; it was published in book form in 2011. Opera installments illustrated by Kristin Parker.
COCKY: THE OPERA: PRELUDE & ACT ONE, SCENE ONE | ACT ONE, SCENE TWO | ACT ONE, SCENE THREE | ACT ONE, SCENE THREE (contd.) | ACT ONE, SCENE FOUR | ACT ONE, SCENE FOUR (cont.) | ACT TWO, SCENE ONE | & more to come.
ACT TWO
Scene Two
Scene: In the foreground, a bare metallic environment, horribly lit, with random inorganic clutter and strange curling fumes. Ambient din of industry: vans reversing, steel shutters whooshing up and down, forklifts clanking, men shouting.
This is the Northside.
In the background, a humpbacked brick bridge, which we are looking at lengthwise. Beneath it, like Philip Larkin’s “desire of oblivion,” runs the black canal. Beyond it, on the far side, we can see houses, trees, lampposts. Perhaps a nice sunset, with a cosily smoking chimney. A more civilized set-up altogether.
This is the Borough — or a caricature of it. This is the Borough as seen from the Northside.
Crossing the bridge, sauntering towards us, are two citizens of the Borough, a vixen (JANINE) and her fox (AUDLEY.) They are well-groomed, handsome, and AUDLEY in particular has an air of rather fatuous superiority.
They are on an urban safari.
AUDLEY (wrapping up a monologue): As I say, you’ll find that most of these Northsiders give way instinctively to a Borough fox. Resentfully perhaps, but instinctively. Of course there’s always the odd troublemaker.
JANINE (looking around, very alert): One hears so much about their… appetites.
AUDLEY: You must have no fear on that score. With me you are quite safe. We’ll have a little stroll about, a little sniff, and then —
Abruptly the couple are swarmed, converged upon, by three Northside foxes, who come scuttling at them from three different directions.
This lot are classic Northsiders: short-legged and low-bellied and smutty-looking. Their dark fur is clotted, hackles permanently up. Their eyes are wild. Their muzzles are stained and avidly gaping, tongues out, as if they’ve all been drinking some sort of super-spiked Ribena.
The two Borough foxes, hemmed in, horrified, recoil hissing from the physicality and chemical halitosis of this Northside crew. But keep your eye on JANINE.
A BIG NUMBER commences, with a lot of pumping music, foxy snarling and football-style chanting, hectic collective movement across the whole of the stage. The Northsiders interact chaotically, you can’t call it dancing, but they are bound in their whirlingness by the same unstoppable loony energy.
NORTHSIDERS (all together): Vixens, come and get it on the Northside.
The cocks are thicker,
the shagging’s quicker.
Foxes, come and get it on the Northside.
Yes, we’ll permit you
to know what hit you.
The Borough foxes are now separated, with JANINE subject to the leering personal pressure of one of the Northsiders (#1), while the other two (#2 and #3) harass a seething and clearly terrified AUDLEY. They get right in his face.
NORTHSIDER #2: You’re on the wrong side of the bridge
for good clean fun.
NORTHSIDER #3: The wrong side of the bridge
for not getting done.
NORTHSIDER #2: So before we narrow the distance
between you and non-existence —
NORTHSIDER #3: Before we close the gap
between you and getting a slap —
BOTH TOGETHER: Back across the canal, pal.
Audley gives an effeminate yelp and scarpers. Fleeing as if scalded, he gallops back across the bridge to the safety of the Borough with never a look behind him.
Chorus
Oh the Northside, the Northside,
the Borough’s negative.
It’s a fairytale.
It’s beyond the pale.
It’s where we live.
Oh the Northside, the Northside,
the crucible of crime.
Pay us a visit,
you won’t regret it,
you won’t have time.
The Northsiders have formed a triangle around JANINE, who is bristling somewhat but does not look frightened in the least. Her growl, a low whirring, has a note in it almost of contentment or gratification.
NORTHSIDER #1: Curious vixen, come and see,
for we are foxes of low degree.
NORTHSIDER #2: We’ve got up-for-days eyes,
mental malaise eyes,
eyes full of psychic debris.
NORTHSIDER #3: There’ll be no romancing
or fancypantsing.
Trust us, we know you’re busy.
NORTHSIDER #1: Your beau from the Borough
might be more thorough —
ALL THREE TOGETHER: But he isn’t here now, is he?
Chorus
Oh the Northside, the Northside,
the Borough’s negative.
It’s a fairytale.
It’s beyond the pale.
It’s where we live.
Oh the Northside, the Northside,
the crucible of crime.
Pay us a visit,
you won’t regret it,
you won’t have time.
NORTHSIDER #1: We fight without thinking.
We die without blinking.
THE OTHER TWO: NORTH-SIDE! NORTH-SIDE!
NORTHSIDER #2: Already forgotten
before we’ve gone rotten.
THE OTHER TWO: NORTH-SIDE! NORTH-SIDE!
NORTHSIDER #1: We’ve got windy concrete spaces,
we’ve got deadly anti-places,
blinding lights, and underbites, and foreign smells.
NORTHSIDER #2: Won’t you join us on the Northside?
We’re so happy on the Northside!
NORTHSIDER #3: Who’s going to fancy us
if we don’t fancy ourselves?
Chorus
Oh the Northside, the Northside,
the Borough’s negative.
It’s a fairytale.
It’s beyond the pale.
It’s where we live.
Oh the Northside, the Northside,
the crucible of crime.
Pay us a visit,
you won’t regret it,
you won’t… HAVE… TIIIIIIIIME.
Over the course of the last couple of verses, and particularly during the final chorus, the three Northside foxes have been competing for the attention of JANINE, jostling and barging and nipping at each other. (Their singing/yelling is never interrupted.) Finally, with a whirling snarl, NORTHSIDER #1 asserts his dominance and forces back the other two. He and JANINE instantly become mutually engrossed.
Now with the song ending fox and vixen stroll offstage, side by side, eyes only for each other. NORTHSIDERS #2 and #3 remain onstage, momentarily nonplussed and disappointed. Then they start cavorting, colliding and pogo-ing, crazed with sexual energy, shouting NORTH-SIDE! NORTH-SIDE! UN-DE-FEATED! as the lights go down.
MORE PARKER at HILOBROW: COCKY THE FOX: a brilliant swearing-animal epic, serialized here at HILOBROW from 2010–2011, inc. a newsletter by Patrick Cates | THE KALEVALA — a Finnish epic, bastardized | THE BOURNE VARIATIONS: A series of poems about the Jason Bourne movies | ANGUSONICS: James and Tommy Valicenti parse Angus Young’s solos | MOULDIANA: James and Tommy Valicenti parse Bob Mould’s solos | BOLANOMICS: James traces Marc Bolan’s musical and philosophical development | WINDS OF MAGIC: A curated series reprinting James’s early- and mid-2000s writing for the Boston Globe and Boston Phoenix | CROM YOUR ENTHUSIASM: J.R.R. Tolkien’s THE HOBBIT | EVEN MORE PARKER, including doggerel; HiLo Hero items on Sid Vicious, Dez Cadena, Mervyn Peake, others; and more.