MÖSH CONTEST WINNER
By:
March 25, 2024
One in a series of 25 enthusiastic posts, contributed by 25 HILOBROW friends and regulars, on the topic of metal records from the Eighties (1984–1993, in our periodization schema). Series edited by Heather Quinlan. Also check out our MÖSH YOUR ENTHUSIASM playlist at Spotify.
We are pleased to present, here, the MÖSH YOUR ENTHUSIASM essay contest winner. Congratulations to Tony Pacitti — and our thanks to everyone who entered the contest!
METALLICA | “THE CALL OF KTULU” | 1984
Spring, freshman year of high school: there are six or seven of us in a friend’s basement. Among us there are five or six Korn t-shirts, none of which I’m wearing. I had recently gone dutch on a Tascam Portastudio and I felt obliged to show off what meager skills I had by subjecting my gaggle of nu metal friends to a recording of me hacking my way through “The Call of Ktulu,” the nearly nine-minute instrumental album capper off of Ride the Lightning.
It’s 2000; dunking on Metallica is in, but it’s easy. Eyes are likely rolling, but out of the four member “band” and associated hangers-on we alleged to be I was the only one who actually played an instrument, albeit poorly.
This is arguably the closest Metallica has ever come to prog rock — which are two great tastes that a lot of civilians respond to like a toddler to vegetables. It’s slow, it’s moody, it’s absolutely fucking great. But there’s no balding white dude rapping about breaking shit, or a dreadlocked white dude playing the bagpipes (lol) so there were a lot of eye rolls and yawns in that basement, but who gives a shit. It rips and I sounded great* playing it. Plus, as our fake band’s bass player, it gave me a chance to flex, let me rumble like an angry, incomprehensible godling rising from the depths to drive people insane just from looking at me. See also 1986’s “The Thing That Should Not Be.” Between the two there is the H.P. Lovecraft connection which, upon settling down in Providence, RI after college, made me love “Ktulu” even more. This despite Lovecraft being, to put it diplomatically, a racist fucking dink.
“The Call of Ktulu” is not a “Metallica Song,” which would be your Ones, your Sad But Trues, your Kings Nothing; it’s Metallica by way of a mural on the side of a Dungeon Master’s van, which for a kid who loved Star Trek and Lord of the Rings was the real sweet spot. But for kids who were looking forward to the next Family Values Tour and hate watching TRL for the “Freak on a Leash” video? Not so much.
More than 20 years later it’s still a nerd sanctuary. It’s nine minutes to be a complete dork of a dad and shush everyone in the car. “This is it, guys!” I say to the three-year-olds in the back seat. “This is it!” My audience’s preference for Korn replaced by a preference for Caspar Babypants.
Turn it up too loud. Tap out the bass part on the steering wheel.
I still got it.
* Hindsight would suggest I did not.
MÖSH YOUR ENTHUSIASM: INTRODUCTION by Heather Quinlan | Crockett Doob on Metallica’s ENTER SANDMAN | Dean Haspiel on Mötley Crüe’s HOME SWEET HOME | Jack Silbert on Poison’s TALK DIRTY TO ME | Adam McGovern on Dio’s INVISIBLE | Mariane Cara on Faith No More’s EPIC | Heather Quinlan on Blue Öyster Cult’s SHOOTING SHARK | Steve Schneider on UFO’s DIESEL IN THE DUST | Carlo Rotella on Primus’ JERRY WAS A RACE CAR DRIVER | Erik Davis on St. Vitus’ BORN TOO LATE | Greg Rowland on Motörhead’s ACE OF SPADES (remix) | Kathy Biehl on Twisted Sister’s WE’RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT | Nikhil Singh on G.I.S.M.’s GAS BURNER PANIC | Erin M. Routson on Metallica’s ESCAPE | Holly Interlandi on Helmet’s MILQUETOAST | Marc Weidenbaum on Celtic Frost’s I WON’T DANCE (THE ELDERS’ ORIENT) | Amy Keyishian on Living Colour’s CULT OF PERSONALITY | Josh Glenn on Scorpions’ STILL LOVING YOU | Alycia Chillemi on Danzig’s SOUL ON FIRE | James Parker on Godflesh’s CHRISTBAIT RISING | Miranda Mellis on The Afflicted’s HERE COME THE COPS | Rene Rosa on Type O Negative’s BLACK NO. 1 | Tony Leone on Slayer’s SOUTH OF HEAVEN | Christopher Cannon on Neurosis’s LOST | Brian Berger on Black Sabbath’s HEADLESS CROSS | MÖSH CONTEST-WINNING ENTRY: Tony Pacitti on Metallica’s THE CALL OF KTULU. PLUS: CONTEST RUNNER-UP: James Scott Maloy on Accept’s MIDNIGHT MOVER.
JACK KIRBY PANELS | CAPTAIN KIRK SCENES | OLD-SCHOOL HIP HOP | TYPEFACES | NEW WAVE | SQUADS | PUNK | NEO-NOIR MOVIES | COMICS | SCI-FI MOVIES | SIDEKICKS | CARTOONS | TV DEATHS | COUNTRY | PROTO-PUNK | METAL | & more enthusiasms!